Planetary Paradoxes
It is critical to make good choices about money, time and the environment. At times, the conventional wisdom must be inverted to maintain sane behavior. A product sent across a vast ocean may be less expensive. However, giant ships pollute and requires tons of petroleum to cover these great distances. Can we make do with less or without? Can we afford to buy a version from this continent? Can we improvise with what we have at hand? Bearing future generations in mind, these alternatives may be prudent. Jets have enabled the upper middle class to travel throughout the world. Commuter flights such as Chicago to Detroit, "save" time with an almost inconceivable ecological impact. Would several "extra" hours on a train really be that bad? Is the hassle and stress of the airport worth it? Could half a book be read by rail instead? I recently caught myself before driving half an hour to a medium box store to save several dollars on a tool. The time, gas, stress and more shifted the equation. The local hardware is five minutes away, has staff with good advice and costs a little more on some items. We need this place and its kin for our identity as a community. If every store is a chain, then life is not only dull, it becomes pointless to have place names at all. We could use numbers for towns because they would simply be repetitions of sameness. There was probably a science fiction story sixty years ago with this theme. Sadly, many "outer ring" suburbs already embody this mind- numbing blandness. Food choices must be included in this discussion as well. With modified, long storage or off season produce such as the college created square tomato, is it any wonder many children don't cherish their fruits and vegetables? Are we trading off ease, profit and "efficiency" for the loss of all that is truly vital and delicious? How we choose to spend our time and money is powerful. Sometimes, we have to stop and think. The most powerful bumper sticker I saw as a child was "Malls Kill Cities". Nationally, indoor malls are dying and this is encouraging. I feel for all who lose jobs, but this model is unhealthy. Public boycotts of products and practices can have an impact. I can recall growing up without grapes and this changed work conditions for thousands. Our everyday thinking and choices can create incremental and cumulative improvements. Sometimes the obvious choice needs to be turned on it's head to really make sense.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Side-stepping Slights and Insults
Friends and colleagues kid each other in a facetious manner. This can be interpreted as a healthy way to "blow off steam" or signal minor frustration. Snide remarks and outright insults are another matter entirely. An individual may be seeking to get the upper hand or belittle another person for a feeling of power. Also, a stranger may make a cutting a cutting remark simply because they happen to be in a foul mood. Various strategies can be useful when we find ourselves in these situations. Bear in mind that humor as a tactic is likely to be safe only with those already close to us. It is seriously overrated and can backfire easily. I will begin a number of familial examples and then conclude with some general tips for creating your own system of dodging these darts of human interaction. My oldest brother quietly nods when he is the target of unwarranted critique. My father sometimes responded in a serious voice- " Now that doesn't sound nice at all". My middle brother looks at the offending party and leaves the room with little or no comment. The last one was my mother's advice to me when I had the first truly mean boss of my professional career. She advised- " First listen carefully and calmly; then say ' You know I need to think about that- thank you ' and then go about your business". I'll add that all of these were paired with continuous, non-threatening eye contact. It is key that whatever our response, it must not be communicated as a challenge. Vague, positive responses may suffice. I have a friend who says- "Alright, OK, alright" a number of times and this seems to work well for him. We need to indulge them without patronizing, quench their momentary thirst for power or assuage their fears. In a very real sense, the goal is to neutralize the attack, without inflicting pain or presenting any air of superiority. In essence it requires a sort of verbal Tai-Chi: stay loose and practice. Adapt these ideas or simply hone the responses that already work. I would enjoy hearing effective examples from my readers.
Friends and colleagues kid each other in a facetious manner. This can be interpreted as a healthy way to "blow off steam" or signal minor frustration. Snide remarks and outright insults are another matter entirely. An individual may be seeking to get the upper hand or belittle another person for a feeling of power. Also, a stranger may make a cutting a cutting remark simply because they happen to be in a foul mood. Various strategies can be useful when we find ourselves in these situations. Bear in mind that humor as a tactic is likely to be safe only with those already close to us. It is seriously overrated and can backfire easily. I will begin a number of familial examples and then conclude with some general tips for creating your own system of dodging these darts of human interaction. My oldest brother quietly nods when he is the target of unwarranted critique. My father sometimes responded in a serious voice- " Now that doesn't sound nice at all". My middle brother looks at the offending party and leaves the room with little or no comment. The last one was my mother's advice to me when I had the first truly mean boss of my professional career. She advised- " First listen carefully and calmly; then say ' You know I need to think about that- thank you ' and then go about your business". I'll add that all of these were paired with continuous, non-threatening eye contact. It is key that whatever our response, it must not be communicated as a challenge. Vague, positive responses may suffice. I have a friend who says- "Alright, OK, alright" a number of times and this seems to work well for him. We need to indulge them without patronizing, quench their momentary thirst for power or assuage their fears. In a very real sense, the goal is to neutralize the attack, without inflicting pain or presenting any air of superiority. In essence it requires a sort of verbal Tai-Chi: stay loose and practice. Adapt these ideas or simply hone the responses that already work. I would enjoy hearing effective examples from my readers.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Happiness as an Action
Emotions by their nature are not static states. They ebb and flow. Accepting the vicissitudes of life helps us avoid despair. Contentment is an easier target than happiness, but advertising and other forces drive the average person away from this goal. The need state created by marketing keeps most folks wanting things they don't have. This challenge will be taken up in a future post. Although happiness is fleeting, it is easier to explain and operationalize. Spending a part of almost every day engaged in an activity which is truly rewarding is central to "feeling" happy. Whatever it may be, it must be healthy and reach deep enough to soothe our soul or spirit. I use the concept of "getting into the flow" or losing track of time and worries to help individuals identify the activities. The effective possibilities are diverse: weeding, knitting, running, bird watching, polishing silverware, compiling songs into homemade music cds, whittling, puzzles of all kinds, tending a fire or staring at fish in an aquarium. It cannot be associated with drudgery or obsession. Broadcast television and internet surfing are not calming or restorative. They distract, and this may even be desired at times. However, they don't cause us to hum with gladness or smile for hours afterwords. Each person has to find these activities which "flow" on their own. It does not have to make sense to anyone else. Several times I have done men's groups in which the members had to find this sort of activity and share it to graduate. The variety presented has been astounding: from model trains to yoga to frisbee golf. The goal is action which is rewarding for its own sake and does not require a perfect outcome. In the past, people often accessed this genre of activity while at rustic cabins on vacation. Some of these activities have been found to alter brain waves and contribute to improved physical health. Finally, we actually need more than one of these avocations in our quiver to allow for the seasons and inclement weather. At a minimum, one indoor and one outdoor activity is recommended.
Emotions by their nature are not static states. They ebb and flow. Accepting the vicissitudes of life helps us avoid despair. Contentment is an easier target than happiness, but advertising and other forces drive the average person away from this goal. The need state created by marketing keeps most folks wanting things they don't have. This challenge will be taken up in a future post. Although happiness is fleeting, it is easier to explain and operationalize. Spending a part of almost every day engaged in an activity which is truly rewarding is central to "feeling" happy. Whatever it may be, it must be healthy and reach deep enough to soothe our soul or spirit. I use the concept of "getting into the flow" or losing track of time and worries to help individuals identify the activities. The effective possibilities are diverse: weeding, knitting, running, bird watching, polishing silverware, compiling songs into homemade music cds, whittling, puzzles of all kinds, tending a fire or staring at fish in an aquarium. It cannot be associated with drudgery or obsession. Broadcast television and internet surfing are not calming or restorative. They distract, and this may even be desired at times. However, they don't cause us to hum with gladness or smile for hours afterwords. Each person has to find these activities which "flow" on their own. It does not have to make sense to anyone else. Several times I have done men's groups in which the members had to find this sort of activity and share it to graduate. The variety presented has been astounding: from model trains to yoga to frisbee golf. The goal is action which is rewarding for its own sake and does not require a perfect outcome. In the past, people often accessed this genre of activity while at rustic cabins on vacation. Some of these activities have been found to alter brain waves and contribute to improved physical health. Finally, we actually need more than one of these avocations in our quiver to allow for the seasons and inclement weather. At a minimum, one indoor and one outdoor activity is recommended.
Monday, June 6, 2016
Sorting out Stress
Simply being alive and surviving creates a natural degree of stress. Decisions must be made and efforts taken to make our way along life's path. Some stress actually promotes improvement, causing us to "up our game" and can clear the way for less anxiety with future challenges. Hans Selye called this Eustress. Overcoming tough times can also instill a healthy sort of pride in ourselves. Stress activated by major life events like deaths and disasters requires a "full stop" of routines and enlistment of all our natural allies. For the most part folks are pretty good about rallying around and making the affected take care of themselves. However, our current age of high contact and incessant communication appears to be upping the ante on stress in people's daily lives. Often at work we have very little control over the speed or frequency of demands. Paradoxically, digital and electronic "ease" has created an attention to detail which increases anxiety for all but a few meticulous souls who seem to get satisfaction from being exact. The average employee must now be more careful due to data entry requirements. We are not robots, so the result is at best a low level tension. I believe this low level, chronic sort of stress is the most insidious form. Day to day relief and temporarily escape are critical to avoid a "snowball" effect of stress- grouchiness-mild depression- full blown depression. Maintaining awareness and consistent self-care are key here- not denying it and doing things about it. Lunchtime walk groups are one simple example which effectively split the workday in half. I spent less than 200$ on a really adjustable office chair and the reduction in my body tension and improved posture have been worth thousands. I had a colleague who wrote down their post meeting frustrations and then shredded them to vent and then let go. Humor is a powerful remedy for stress, but use it wisely in serious workplaces. What has worked before? Often we intuitively know what we need, have done it before and simply need to institute a routine. A buddy system is helpful for this and I have been overjoyed in the past when a co-worker reminded me it was break or lunchtime. Admitting we are stressed and identifying what sort it is critical. We may only need to make small but consistent changes in our routine to create a more comfortable existence for ourselves.
Simply being alive and surviving creates a natural degree of stress. Decisions must be made and efforts taken to make our way along life's path. Some stress actually promotes improvement, causing us to "up our game" and can clear the way for less anxiety with future challenges. Hans Selye called this Eustress. Overcoming tough times can also instill a healthy sort of pride in ourselves. Stress activated by major life events like deaths and disasters requires a "full stop" of routines and enlistment of all our natural allies. For the most part folks are pretty good about rallying around and making the affected take care of themselves. However, our current age of high contact and incessant communication appears to be upping the ante on stress in people's daily lives. Often at work we have very little control over the speed or frequency of demands. Paradoxically, digital and electronic "ease" has created an attention to detail which increases anxiety for all but a few meticulous souls who seem to get satisfaction from being exact. The average employee must now be more careful due to data entry requirements. We are not robots, so the result is at best a low level tension. I believe this low level, chronic sort of stress is the most insidious form. Day to day relief and temporarily escape are critical to avoid a "snowball" effect of stress- grouchiness-mild depression- full blown depression. Maintaining awareness and consistent self-care are key here- not denying it and doing things about it. Lunchtime walk groups are one simple example which effectively split the workday in half. I spent less than 200$ on a really adjustable office chair and the reduction in my body tension and improved posture have been worth thousands. I had a colleague who wrote down their post meeting frustrations and then shredded them to vent and then let go. Humor is a powerful remedy for stress, but use it wisely in serious workplaces. What has worked before? Often we intuitively know what we need, have done it before and simply need to institute a routine. A buddy system is helpful for this and I have been overjoyed in the past when a co-worker reminded me it was break or lunchtime. Admitting we are stressed and identifying what sort it is critical. We may only need to make small but consistent changes in our routine to create a more comfortable existence for ourselves.
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