Compromise Enriches

Winning by getting one's way is not the best outcome despite the rantings of a current presidential candidate. It's been said that it's "lonely at the top" and bullying is a sure path to isolation. In both teams and couples I believe that individuals are improved and strengthened by compromise. Learning and personal growth are enhanced by incorporating the ideas of significant others. The stereotype is "meeting in the middle". Over-rated, this method is often difficult to operationalize and can lead to both parties believing they lost ground. An honored family and school method is "taking turns". This is effective, but difficult to sustain without an executive subsystem to enforce it. Often the more powerful party slowly reasserts itself or each ends up doing their own thing separately. A simple illustration would be if a couple decided to take turns watching each others favorite TV shows. With one TV, the dominant person might prevail or with two the couple may end up in separate rooms. A cousin of mine and his spouse found a novel work-around. Each evening the couple watches Jeopardy!  together and then their own favorites in separate rooms. However, I also believe we can benefit from experiences which we might have avoided altogether. Animated films are not my first choice, but I have been surprised and enlightened by some sophisticated animated movies I was "forced" to watch. A complex method of compromise involves using ideas of each party and combining them like parts of a jigsaw puzzle. This brainstorming to consensus format is validating and compels us to synthesize. Internally, it expands our ability to empathize as well. If everyone admits what they wish for at the outset then "hidden agendas" can be avoided. Letting someone else have there own way can also be less stressful for the individual with more power, who must generally bear the burden. Finally, sometimes a "wrong" decision can be a happier one. An example would be when a friend drove a circuitous route on a joint errand. I quietly registered it as both longer in time and distance. However, we passed through a scenic part of the county I had never seen and the lack of traffic made the trip very pleasant. I'm positive I was happier and calmer as a result. My decision to "go with the flow" again led to a more wealthy experience.